sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
