I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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