just survived the first fart of the relationship.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
