I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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