Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
