i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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