dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
