guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
