Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
