he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I color on your dick again?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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