Jerry, you need to find god
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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