I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
