I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
