Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
