Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
