Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
