I wish I could teleport
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wear drunk well.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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