Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
