he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
