just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
