Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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