You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
