I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
