Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
