New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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