I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
