I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
