apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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