They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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