I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
