I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
