i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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