we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
