i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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