I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
