um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
