the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
