eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
