Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
