I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
