I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
