So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize