I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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