They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Will you blow on my dice?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
