I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
40s are totally the cure
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
