we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
