Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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