"it" just moved
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
