It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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