he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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