so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
