also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
