So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
