grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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