That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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