ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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