I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
