I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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