its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Someone signed my nipple.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
