butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
