i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
did i walk over a car last night?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
