ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
