She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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