she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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