textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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