We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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