i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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