If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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