I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
