the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
