youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
COCAINE IS GR8
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize