it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
