her vagine was all disorganized.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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