Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
