OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
