there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
