I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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