If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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