oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
