He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
