Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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