he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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