So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
