you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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