He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
